


The Norwegian Conundrum

by Dxlilith



Series: Song and Deth [4]
Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Post-Magnus, Preklok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 13:03:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6520888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dxlilith/pseuds/Dxlilith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Toki joined the band Dethklok, he had a lot to learn besides English.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Norwegian Conundrum

It's been a week since they moved out of their six bunk tour bus and into the four bedroom walk up that Cornickleson offered while Mordhaus was still under construction. They'd just release several tracks and accompanying music videos and their first album was on its way out. 

They played a shitty round of rock, paper, scissors to determine who got what room but in the end it was only Pickles who really had the choice. He declared ownership of the biggest room because he was the drummer and the drummer always needed room for his kit. Nathan got the room with no windows that was located a floor above the main layout so he could have the darkness and privacy he desevred. Muderface was disgusting and no one was willing to share with him anymore than they already had and Toki was attached to Skisgaar by the hip, leaving them share the second smallest room near the kitchen.

Charles was estastic in his own stoic professional way. The boys were signed and they seem to cohese musically and socially. As much as five incredibly inadept adult men could. Or rather four.

"Toki is not legal."

"Hey!" The youngest member of Dethklok pulls out from his ratty jean pocket a laminated square which Charles knows to be his green card.

"No Toki, I was not referring to your legal status in this country. I meant in terms of your ability to buy alcohol and consent."

"Skwisgaa' ya douche, you said he was twenty two naught fuckin' twelve!?"

"What ams you talkin' about? He ams sixteen. He can fucks whoevers he wants."

"Yes but in New York and most other states in the country, if he has sex with anyone over four years, it's statoury rape."

"Thasch louschy. Agsch should be nothing but a number." Everyone turns to watch Murdeface pull out a bowie knife and start picking at the dirt underneath his nails with it.

"Ugh, I don't get why you're telling us this." Nathan coughed. "It's not like we were planning to fuck Toki. At least not me."

"Me neither!" Supplies Murderface rather quickly.

"Yeah, I may have done da whole Glam rock scene but um..."

"The point I am attempting to make gentlemen is that he is rather young and impressionable and you should be wary of the things he can and cannot do. At least until his eighteenth birthday."

"You mean, we gotta like, babysit our guitarist? That is so not brutal."

"I dont likes de babies, why ams they sittin' on me? Not brew-all!"

"He doesn't mean literally ya doof, he means we gatta keep an eye on ya like yer our kid."

"I ams not kid. I ams Toki."

"Skwisgaa' explain in fuckin' dutch what we're tryna say."

"Dutch? We ams not fuckin' Dutch. The Dutch are scum."

Charles counted to ten inside his head as the conversation slowly but surely disintergrated into absolute ridiculousness with threats of bodily harm and Scandivain curse words.

"Enough!" He shouted just in time to stop a wild swing from Murdeface from meeting it's destination. "What I am attempting to convey is that while he is certainly old enough to do as he pleases, I would hope that you four are not putting him or yourselves  in any sort of legal trouble. Top of the charts does not make you immune to sexual assualt charges against a minor from sticking and effectively ruining your career."

Their faces are blank. All trying to process, possibly envision court trials. At least Charles hopes that's what they're doing. "Anyway, I am leaving now. I will see you next week for your interview with Modern Metal. Good day." 

Not wanting to get dragged into another cluster of idiocy he turns quickly into the hallway and takes the stairs before the door to the apartment even shuts.

"I'm gonna go smoke a bowl, anyone care to partake?" Pickles offers, already walking over to his room.

"Ja, I would likes to. It makes de sleepies and beauty dreams." The blonde falls in line with the drummer.

"I'm gonna unpack my shtuff. I'll bring a bottle schtotch later." Murderface waves them off, heading in the opposite direction into his room.

"Is want de sleepies an dreams too!"

"Hold it." Toki's puppy dog trot behind Skwisgaar is cut short by the large hand landing on his shoulder. Turning his head he was met with the expressionless face of Nathan Explosion.

"Did you not understand what our manager just said?"

Toki turns to face Nathan, taking the man's hand off his shoulder and into his. " Him said ams not conesetting to buy alcohol for de sexs!"

"Uh, kinda." Nathan pulled his hand out of the younger man's grip. "You're still a kid so you can't be doing things like smoking pot and drinking or we could all get in trouble."

"Natens, Is dos all dis before Dethklok an' no troubles." He smiles to reassure him. Pickles and Skwisgaar stare for a moment before both shrugging and just leaving the room altogether.

"Yeah but like, I guess we gotta take things a little more serious now cause we're signed and you know, we can't fuck this up."

"I put monies you smoke de bowls when you ams Toki, maybe more child."

Nathan stared at the boy, attempting to understand. "Do you mean, you bet I probably did pot when I was younger than you?"

"Ja."

Nathan has to give it to the kid. "Yeah, I was thirteen when I first tried it."

"Ja! Toki ams three mores than you! All ams ok." Toki smiles, happy to have held a conversation longer than one sentence with the frontman. He begins to head towards Pickles' room when a hand falls on his shoulder again.

"Hold on, you gotta promise me something."

"Promissek?"

"Uhhhh..it means..uhhh.." Nathan racks his brain for the right word. Skwisgaar was easy enough to communicate with but when they asked Toki to join and realized he knew even less english, Nathan made an effort to read through a Norwegian For Dummies once in a while. "Løfte."

"Oh ja!"

"Yeah so you gotta make me a løfte that you won't do drugs, drink, or have sex without one of us around."

The teenagers eyes widen. "You wants to watch mes have sexs? Ams that American thing?"

"No!" Nathan's face burns as he too realizes what he said. " No, I mean like, like we gotta keep an eye out for you. Don't go with random groupies or jackoffs if one of us isn't around. We, uh, we're not gonna watch you and anything like that. Just be close enough if shit gets sketchy."

"Oh, okaies Natens!" The boy smiles and does something that confuses the fuck out of Nathan. He hugs him. He jumps up, catches him around the shoulders while on his tip toes and hugs him. For about three seconds then runs off to join Pickles and Skwisgaar. Was that, like a Norwegian thing?


End file.
